I just read an article on the New York Times Website that covered some recent research that shows a connection between our addiction to technology and constant stimulation and brain fatigue. For a Gen-Yer, I'm probably a little less connected to the world of technology than others. I don't have cable; I actually enjoy the feeling of release when I forget my phone at home; my iPod's been dead for a few days; and my camera, well, I can't remember the last time I turned it on. But I'm still addicted. I may not have cable, but I'm more than familiar with Hulu. When I don't forget my phone, it's either in my pocket or in my sight. I use the internet for hours everyday when I'm bored. And all of this can be exhausting. The study in the article makes a lot of sense even though we don't think about it. Just looking at the homepage for the Business section, I can count links to 24 different articles. No wonder I'm tired when I get home from work or get off the computer. But what do we do to relax? Turn to the TV, or a mindless game on your phone. We allow ourselves to be pelted with information all day long and then we turn to it to calm down!
Not only do we wear ourselves out, but I'd venture to guess these effects have considerable repercussions on our relationships with others. Interacting effectively with people at work, at home, at the store takes focus and energy. To fully listen to somebody, evaluate your own actions and responses, or analyze how best to work with someone with a totally different personality is hardwork. When we've completely drained our brains of function during our free time and our work time with all of this information, we compromise our ability to nurture effective and successful relationships. So I urge everyone (including myself), to resist the temptation to zone out on your laptop or in front of the TV when you get home after a long day, and go on a walk, or sit in the park for an hour. I'd be willing to bet that you'll react more consciously to those around you. Not only will they appreciate it, but you won't be as exhausted and will be enjoying some of the simpler things in life. :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
What role does flattery play in teams?
I was reading a short article in the HBR today that was talking about flattery in the workplace. There's a decent amount of research about the effect of flattery on the flatter-ee. The general consensus seems to be that the compliment will elicit a positive response that will probably be undermined if the person who is being flattered is aware of an ulterior motive. Well all of this makes sense, but it got me thinking. It seems to me that there's a fine line between acknowledging a person's strengths and complimenting them. So which would be more important in the workplace?
Let's look at flattery first. No one can deny that we all like to be told good things about ourselves, but flattery tends to have a negative connotation (and there is probably an argument that it's stronger for women). I've been a middle-school girl before, and I know as well as anybody the "Oh, your shirt is cute" or "Your hair looks really nice today!"trap. These simple comments could mean anything from "I wish I was you" to "That shirt is hideous, and I'm real glad you're the one wearing it, not me" to "I really hate you". Nobody knows what to think when they're on the receiving end of one of these! Yeah, sure there's a positive reaction, but unless it's coming from someone you know, trust, and love, there's always a part of you that questions what exactly the meaning of that statement is. The point is that flattery can only go so far. Generally the effects are short-lived, and the only thing it generates is a good feeling about yourself mixed with a solid dose of doubt.
The interesting thing about this though, is that flattery is so common in teams. People hand out compliments in an attempt to get others to like them, to help others feel better if they're having a bad day, or even just to be nice. A lot of times, the intent is a good one, but clearly, it doesn't always have the maximal positive effect.
I'm arguing that there's a better way to foster good relationships in a team, especially in the workplace. Trust is such a huge part of success in these situations, that throwing around "nice skirt" and "you look so tan!"s can have the opposite effect you're working towards if taken the wrong way. Instead, acknowledging a person's specific accomplishments can create a better response directly, but also will draw the team closer by eliciting mutual respect. Saying "The fact that you showed research from both sides in your presentation really strengthened your argument" instead of "I really enjoyed your PowerPoint" can make a huge difference. First off, you're showing that you've thought about what they've done. Secondly, the specificity and objectivity of your comments shows that the only intent here is essentially to give a "job well done". Not only are you showing the person respect instead of mere flattery, but they will respect you for being attentive to important details - things they probably considered.
Ultimately, honesty is the key. The people we work with should be given feedback when they do a good job. Searching for opportunities to "make them feel better" will only undermine what we genuinely say to them in the future. Making the primary goal respect and acknowledgment instead of a smile and thank-you can go a long way towards building stronger, more trusting relationships in teams.
Let's look at flattery first. No one can deny that we all like to be told good things about ourselves, but flattery tends to have a negative connotation (and there is probably an argument that it's stronger for women). I've been a middle-school girl before, and I know as well as anybody the "Oh, your shirt is cute" or "Your hair looks really nice today!"trap. These simple comments could mean anything from "I wish I was you" to "That shirt is hideous, and I'm real glad you're the one wearing it, not me" to "I really hate you". Nobody knows what to think when they're on the receiving end of one of these! Yeah, sure there's a positive reaction, but unless it's coming from someone you know, trust, and love, there's always a part of you that questions what exactly the meaning of that statement is. The point is that flattery can only go so far. Generally the effects are short-lived, and the only thing it generates is a good feeling about yourself mixed with a solid dose of doubt.
The interesting thing about this though, is that flattery is so common in teams. People hand out compliments in an attempt to get others to like them, to help others feel better if they're having a bad day, or even just to be nice. A lot of times, the intent is a good one, but clearly, it doesn't always have the maximal positive effect.
I'm arguing that there's a better way to foster good relationships in a team, especially in the workplace. Trust is such a huge part of success in these situations, that throwing around "nice skirt" and "you look so tan!"s can have the opposite effect you're working towards if taken the wrong way. Instead, acknowledging a person's specific accomplishments can create a better response directly, but also will draw the team closer by eliciting mutual respect. Saying "The fact that you showed research from both sides in your presentation really strengthened your argument" instead of "I really enjoyed your PowerPoint" can make a huge difference. First off, you're showing that you've thought about what they've done. Secondly, the specificity and objectivity of your comments shows that the only intent here is essentially to give a "job well done". Not only are you showing the person respect instead of mere flattery, but they will respect you for being attentive to important details - things they probably considered.
Ultimately, honesty is the key. The people we work with should be given feedback when they do a good job. Searching for opportunities to "make them feel better" will only undermine what we genuinely say to them in the future. Making the primary goal respect and acknowledgment instead of a smile and thank-you can go a long way towards building stronger, more trusting relationships in teams.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Capitalizing on Your Limits
Over the past few weeks I've been working with Bill Weiss at Seattle University in one of his MBA outdoor experiential training courses. On the weekend of July 23rd, the class went to Bastyr University for its weekend retreat. Having been on a similar retreat in one of my Management courses, I knew pretty much what to expect, and was excited to participate in the activities with the intent to focus primarily on observing how the teams worked together - what we did well, what we did badly, when/if we realized this and how we reacted.
These types of retreats are designed to stretch people to their limits, whether those be emotional, physical, mental, or all three. As a participant or observer then, I had the unique opportunity to be see just how well individuals and teams as a whole were able to either work around, or, in the best cases, capitalize on these limits.
There was one girl in particular on the retreat, who made a huge impression on me. She was a person whose limits were a little more obvious than others - she was afraid of heights, a little bigger, and not quite as excited about a lot of the activities in the group as some of the more adventurous people. I had the pleasure of working with her on one particular event which is often the most challenging for people. It's not only physically demanding, but it takes a huge strain on a person mentally. The event was set up in teams of three, and our third member and myself were relatively comfortable with it and very motivated to complete it. We got about halfway through the activity, and the first member began to panic. She was struggling physically and her fear of heights began to paralyze her, but she began to do the one thing that so few people ever do: listen. The rest of our group on the ground were giving her advice, and she stopped and followed it. She allowed myself and our other team member to help her, talk her through things, and instead of just panicking and giving up, she pushed herself beyond what she had originally perceived as pretty impenetrable limits.
What that did for our team, and even the rest of the group on the ground, was more than I would ever have expected. Allowing herself to be helped as she faced her fears instilled confidence in those giving advice, and the other two people on her team. The simple act of stopping and listening helped everyone slow down and breathe, not just herself. The group began to feel more empowered because they saw the effects of their help.
Our first instinct in situations such as this, is to avoid confronting people's limits. If we can find a way to circumvent them, we can skip past any hiccups or hurdles - everything will run smoothly. Well smoothly is great, but it can only go so far. Addressing people's limits, when handled respectfully, can bring a group so much closer and make it so much stronger than just avoiding them.
Avoidance leads to people getting left behind, left out. It's easy, but it won't get you the best results. Creating a network and environment that allows a team to challenge and stretch its limits will foster growth and strengthen and empower your team.
These types of retreats are designed to stretch people to their limits, whether those be emotional, physical, mental, or all three. As a participant or observer then, I had the unique opportunity to be see just how well individuals and teams as a whole were able to either work around, or, in the best cases, capitalize on these limits.
There was one girl in particular on the retreat, who made a huge impression on me. She was a person whose limits were a little more obvious than others - she was afraid of heights, a little bigger, and not quite as excited about a lot of the activities in the group as some of the more adventurous people. I had the pleasure of working with her on one particular event which is often the most challenging for people. It's not only physically demanding, but it takes a huge strain on a person mentally. The event was set up in teams of three, and our third member and myself were relatively comfortable with it and very motivated to complete it. We got about halfway through the activity, and the first member began to panic. She was struggling physically and her fear of heights began to paralyze her, but she began to do the one thing that so few people ever do: listen. The rest of our group on the ground were giving her advice, and she stopped and followed it. She allowed myself and our other team member to help her, talk her through things, and instead of just panicking and giving up, she pushed herself beyond what she had originally perceived as pretty impenetrable limits.
What that did for our team, and even the rest of the group on the ground, was more than I would ever have expected. Allowing herself to be helped as she faced her fears instilled confidence in those giving advice, and the other two people on her team. The simple act of stopping and listening helped everyone slow down and breathe, not just herself. The group began to feel more empowered because they saw the effects of their help.
Our first instinct in situations such as this, is to avoid confronting people's limits. If we can find a way to circumvent them, we can skip past any hiccups or hurdles - everything will run smoothly. Well smoothly is great, but it can only go so far. Addressing people's limits, when handled respectfully, can bring a group so much closer and make it so much stronger than just avoiding them.
Avoidance leads to people getting left behind, left out. It's easy, but it won't get you the best results. Creating a network and environment that allows a team to challenge and stretch its limits will foster growth and strengthen and empower your team.
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